What Might I Not Know?
Ancient Wisdom Applied in the Modern World
E3/2026
If you have 30 seconds….
The Invisible Battle: Why We Need to Ask, "What Might I Not Know?"
We have all heard the famous advice: "Before you judge someone, walk a mile in their shoes."
Someone once added a clever punchline to this: "Then, when you've walked a mile in their shoes, you're a mile away—and they have no shoes!"
It is a funny joke, but it points to a serious reality: We usually judge people within seconds, long before we actually know their story. We see someone acting rudely, behaving badly, or making a glaring mistake, and our minds immediately lock in an opinion. But ancient Jewish wisdom challenges us to take a radically different approach.
The Hidden Picture
Imagine a high school student who constantly falls asleep in class.
One teacher looks at this student and instantly assumes, "He is just lazy.
"Another teacher decides to ask a few questions and discovers the truth: The teenager's father recently lost his job and the boy is working late every single night to help support his family.
The physical facts haven't changed—the student is still sleeping at his desk. But our understanding changes everything, because now we see the whole picture. We tend to judge people entirely by their external actions, but Hashem judges people by what they have to overcome. A person might be doing the wrong thing, but they could be fighting a massive, exhausting battle that is completely invisible to the rest of us.
If you have another minute, read on...
The Ultimate Empathy Challenge
In Chapter 30 of the Tanya, the Alter Rebbe explains why we must be incredibly careful before judging another person's shortcomings. He points out that we simply do not know their circumstances. We don't know their upbringing, we don't know their emotional struggles, and we have no idea how strong their daily temptations really are.
He asks us to confront a highly challenging question:
"If I had his upbringing, his personality, his challenges, and his temptations, would I really have done any better?"
This question forces us to drop our ego. It is easy to point out a flaw, but finding the good takes real strength. Rabbi Levi Yitzchak of Berditchev was a master of this. He was famous for finding the positive in people, even when everyone else saw only failure.
Once, the Rabbi saw a Jewish man openly smoking on Shabbat—a most serious prohibition. Instead of instantly condemning the man, the Rabbi asked him about it. The man freely admitted that he knew it was Shabbat and knew that smoking was forbidden. Rather than getting angry, Rabbi Levi Yitzchak looked toward Heaven and said, "Master of the Universe! Look at Your precious child. He may be doing the wrong thing, but he refuses to tell a lie." Most people would only see the“desecration” or “desecration of the holy day”; the Rabbi saw the honesty.
The Action Plan (המעשה הוא העיקר)
In Jewish tradition, action is the main thing. The next time a classmate, friend, or family member frustrates or disappoints you, challenge yourself to handle it differently:
Pause before reacting: Don't let your first instinct make the decision.
Ask the critical question: Say to yourself, "What might I not know?"
Separate the person from the behaviour: A bad choice does not make someone a bad person.
Look for the spark: Challenge yourself to find one good quality before you focus on their faults.
Extend grace: Give people the exact same understanding you would desperately want on your own worst day.
When you judge people favorably, you bring out the best in them. You make them feel respected and valued, which naturally makes them want to become even better. People often become exactly what we believe they can become.
And something remarkable happens when you live this way: You become a better person, too. A little understanding can save a friendship, a little compassion can save a relationship, and sometimes, the greatest act of kindness is simply giving someone the benefit of the doubt.
This publication is dedicated by Tony & Robin Mitchell
In loving memory of their parents:
Schaindel bat Yitzchak Hacohen ע"ה
Yeshayahu ben Chaim ע"ה
Avraham Fischel ben Yosef ע"ה
Chana Raizl bat Azriel Hacohen ע"ה
Also in memory of David Zvi ben Avraham Fischel ע"ה
And in honour of Shaina Miriam bas Gavriela Ruth שתחי'
And Tzvi Noach ben Ari Elan שיחי'
For more blogs, go to https://www.jfc.org.au/blog
and for videos, go to https://www.youtube.com/@liederrelationshipandparen7760/videos
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